The past few months have been a test for me. After almost 10 years, I made a major change in my personal life after a great deal of thinking, soul-searching, and analyzing what was right and wrong with my life. It wasn’t an easy decision, but a necessary one.
After almost 10 years with someone, I decided that we needed to no longer be together. We’d both be better for it, and we’d both end up as better people in the end. Looking at the short-term, that’s true for one of us … but not so much for the other. Long term, we’ll both come out ahead … but I don’t know how much longer in the future that will be for him.
Circumstance played a huge role in why I’m happier now than I have been in a very long time. I had met someone before I made this final decision to end an almost 10 year relationship, and shortly after making that decision I decided I wanted to pursue something with this person. He made me happy, he made me smile, and he made me 100% comfortable with being me. There were no preconceived notions, no expectations, and no feelings that I had to be something or someone I wasn’t. That friendship quickly started to blossom into something more.
It’s now almost April, and I’ve felt my happiness with this person grow each and every day, even though I continue to struggle with setting aside almost 10 years with someone else – someone I’m living with, and see every single day. He supports me, comforts me, and does what he does best – makes me smile, and happy.
But, what does that mean for the relationship I left? It means that I have to help my ex understand that I want his friendship, I want his happiness, and I want his own personal growth … but he doesn’t necessarily understand how to do that himself. There’s still a lot of ties to one another, a lot of emotion and miscommunication. A lot of questions, and a lot of hatred and feeling betrayed. All of that, I’m confident, will subside with time. In the meantime, however, it’s causing a lot of pressure and stress on me … a lot of discomfort with this new-found relationship … and a lot of poor choices from both of us.
At the end of the day, though, I’m happy. I’m enjoying life again. I wake up in the morning with a bounce in my step, and a smile on my face. I do all that, because I have someone who makes me smile. He supports me and my decisions, and he is always right there to support me. He acts as a voice of reason when my dilutions of grandeur get the best of me.
Today – I am enjoying life.